tall extra hot americano.

Chances are, I've already forced you to listen to my twenty minute rant about coffee orders, what makes them sexy, what makes them repulsive, etc. BUT, if you have yet to hear this rant then you are in luck! I've been a barista for the past 4 years, and in this time I've formed some very strong opinions about what makes a drink order sexy. In fact, a good coffee order can take you from a 7 to a 9 faster than you can say doppio affogato espresso macchiato (...kidding). I know what you're thinking. And you're right, I really don't have anything better to do right now.

 So, starting with the least sexy, working our way up we have...

10. Any crème based Frappucino. Never order these. Please. It's pretty much just milk blended with sugar. Gross. It also makes me suspect you're actually thirteen.

9. Anything that takes you more than five seconds to say. I am dead serious about this. A single, grande, decaf, half sweet, non fat, extra hot, no foam, caramel macchiato makes me want to reach across the bar and punch the person in the face. Don't do it.*

8. Anything that starts with skinny. No skinny vanilla lattes, no skinny mochas, also no light caramel Frappucinos. Come on. Order a real drink. Go hard or go home. It's an immediate turn off.

7. Coffee Frappucinos. Not necessarily unsexy, but definitely not a panty-dropper. I feel like saying Frappucino out loud immediately decreases your cool factor. (I understand this make me perpetually uncool. I'm prepared to accept that.)

6. Latte. Meh. The more shit you add to it, the less sexy it gets. Keep it simple.

5. Espresso. Hardcore. Not for me, but I can see the appeal.

4. Starbucks Double Shot. Not on the menu, but I feel it's the star of the cold beverages. Strong and dark. Not too fussy.

3. Cappucino. Wet or dry. It's sophisticated, and classic. The George Clooney of coffee.

2. Coffee. Hot or iced. Simple, wholesome, comforting. Ordering coffee gets you two thumbs up in my books.

1. Americano. Sexiest drink order EVER. Simplistic perfection. It shows that you know enough about coffee to go with an espresso based beverage, but at the same time you're low maintenance. Ten out of ten.

So there you have it. The ultimate guide to impressing a barista. And by barista, I obviously mean me. Impressing me. xx

*I realize this is a wee bit hypocritical, but to be fair, I make my own coffee.

'tis the season.

Barf. I'd settle for a cute one night stand.

I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm not sure why, but I'm doing it. You may have noticed that I haven't posted anything since October. I've started a lot of posts, but I can't seem to finish them. They were all full of bad vibes. I really don't want to spread bad vibes. But I figured a ridiculous post about Ryan Gosling could be followed by a more serious post. And to hell with the bad vibes, it's my blog and I can be moody if I want to.

 I always feel lost this time of year. I know I can't be the only one, I'm sure that I've read rates of depression go up during the holiday season. It could be the arrival of the snow. Or midterms. Or holiday stress. Most likely it's a combination of all of the above.   I have difficulty getting out of bed, facing the
-30 degree weather, and pulling on snow boots(yuck). I hate having 10 straights weeks of midterms and projects, with the only reward being finals. I don't even really like Christmas. I hate the mall, the commercialism, the excessive gifting. I hate trying to convey excitement and happiness on my chronic bitch face. And it's not because I'm not genuinely thrilled, but because I have trouble expressing it.

Then there's the general life failures when reuniting with people you haven't seen in a year. Aunts, cousins, high school classmates home for the break. It always goes like this:

Them: "So, what's new, how have you been?"
Me: "Uhhh, nothing really..."
Them: "What are you studying?"
Me: "Psychology"
Them: "So you graduate this year?"
Me: "Nope."
Them: "Next year?"
Me: "Probably not."
Them: "Well then. Got a boyfriend?"
Me: "Nope."
Them: "Oh, well I'm sure they're out there."
Me: "Thanks..."

If Christmas wasn't enough, then we have to make it through New Years. Otherwise known as the most hyped holiday to have ever existed. Thinking about it makes me nauseous. I have never had a good New Years, if you have, then congratulations -- I'm beginning to think they're rare. Sure, Harry and Sally had a great New Years, but think about how many terrible ones they had before they finally smartened up. It's not that I don't enjoy the night by myself, because I really do. Last year I had an absolute ball. I just despise the pressure to be with someone. Like you've accomplished nothing all year if you happen to be alone. Maybe what I hate most of all is that I let myself get caught up in it. I'm still looking for someone to pull under the mistletoe.

Luckily I'm now old enough to have rum in my eggnog, which is one of the season's few redeeming qualities. Well that, peppermint white mochas, tobogganing, and Love Actually. Hopefully now that I've ditched the bad vibes I can focus on the good ones. xx

to shave or not to shave.

no way josé

I'm never going to shave my legs again. Every time I do, things don't go my way.  Picture this. I'm going out for the night, I think the evening might carry the potential for a new or pre-existening someone. So I'm like "meh, why not, I'll shave my legs." Get all pretty. Do my makeup real nice. Go out, and there are no hotties to be found. I meet no one. I see no one. And then I'm always pissed that went to all the trouble of shaving, without being rewarded for my effort. BUT SOMEHOW, every time I think "it'll be a slow night, I don't need to shave or wax or pluck", all the hotties magically turn up! I'm running into everyone I've ever met, and every babe in the 306. I'm starting to think that shaving my legs might be bad luck. I might have to start an experiment, run the numbers, find some statistics. Until then I guess I'll just continue to use this handy dandy tool. xx

re: stacks

I think I've been spending too much time in the library. Every time I go up into the North Wing, all I can think about is making out in the stacks. It makes it very difficult to focus on studying. Something about the library just really turns me on. The library and fall. Looking out the library window into the Bowl, which is all autumn-y... well it's just sexy as fuck. Reading is just really doing it for me right now. Whenever I see a boy with a book I can't help but swoon a little.

Don't you want to get to know him? Or take his clothes off?

Great Advice

Major Book Boner

Potential Cause of the Problem

Who's with me? What's your fantasy hook-up spot? Let me know in the comments. Seriously. Do it. xx

I couldn't find the actual song, this will have to do.

the only cure to boys.

I was looking back at some of my old posts, and lemme tell ya, you really learn a lot about yourself by keeping track of every insane thought you ever have. It's sort of theraputic. It's really reassuring to look back and realize that something that seemed like a really big deal hardly matters anymore. And if there's one thing I've learned it's that the only cure to boys is more boys. A new fling just puts a spring in your step, making it way easier to forgot all that old shit from the last lame boy. So get out there. Wink at cute boys, flirt. You don't have to commit, but you never know, you might find one who can keep your attention. xx

Side note: Yes, I admit, I watch PLL on occasion, but it's only because Mr. Fitz is a fox. I acknowledge that it is quite possibly the worst show ever made.

an ode to chest hair.

Men: Keep it. Leave it. Don't wax it. Don't shave it. No depilatories. Ok, I know you don't even know what those are. BUT SERIOUSLY. Your man fur is fantastic. It is nice to stroke. You should embrace it. It is the essence of man. Okay, okay, I know I'm getting carried away, but I am concerned about the current state of affairs surrounding mens grooming. It has gone too far. Fight back I say! Retaliate!. Bear your manly chest hair proudly, like these hunks I have included gratuitously. 

Penn is really rocking great casual chest hair here. Shame they make him shave it all off, just because television networks insist on having men play boys.

Jeremy on the other hand is all man. He knows his secret weapon is only two popped buttons away. I didn't even think he was hot until I found this. Now I have no choice.

See how soulful Zach looks? Ladies, don't you just want to lay in bed and stroke his chest, while he reads you Whitman or something?

See boys, chest hair gets you two hot bitches with tits poppin'! Does it get better than that?

Ladies: Agree or disagree? Are you with me, or are you with me? xx

back to school fashion no-nos.

Today marks the end of the first week back to school. I meant to post this earlier, but got caught up in my studies (read: beer gardens). Oh well, better late than never. Everyday I see some serious fashion blunders and I mostly just feel bad for the victims. But I'm here to save the day. Here are some back to school fashions that are simply not acceptable.

1. High Heels and Lulus - I don't care how great your ass look, it's just ridiculous. Lulus are for exercise or lounging. If you are wearing heels you are clearly doing neither. Put some fucking pants on.
2. Free Huskie T-shirts - I know that they give them away at orientation, and it's great that you want to represent. Go school spirit. But seriously, you look like a major noob! (yes I said that). Save those shirts for game day. When I see them in the hallway it just makes me want to shove you. And don't use the "I have no clean clothes excuse", it's the first week of school, I'm sure you could have scrounged something else up.
3. Purse and Backpack  - I get it, Uni students have a lot of shit to carry around. I feel your pain. But you DO NOT need a backpack AND a purse! Pick one. For the love of god, pick ONE!
4. Sweatsuit outfits - We're all busy, studying, working, whatever. But are you seriously telling me you didn't have time to put real pants on? Jeans are just as easy and make you look less like a 40 year old man who has given up on life.
5. Sloppy bun, but a full face of makeup - I don't understand. You had time to put on 15 layers of foundation, but not to make a decent ponytail? Get your priorities straight!

I realize I might sound pretty harsh, but I'm just trying to save you! xx

drunk dialing.

A drink or two into the night, and everything seems like a good idea. Stealing umbrellas, sassing cops, kissing strangers who taste like bubble gum...just me? But there is no offence more common than the drunk dial/text. With so many numbers in your phone, and endless options, somehow you will ALWAYS make the absolute worst choice (the same goes for pocket dialing, but that is a completely different phenomena)

1. The guy you are currently into: You've resisted texting him all night, but that third shot of Jose really released all of your inhibitions. So you think of something extra witty to send in an oh-so-cute-and-coy text message. HE ANSWERED. Yes. Continue flirtatious banter in hopes of meeting up later.

2. The guy you were into before the GYACI: So things didn't turn out with GYACI. That's alright, there's always GYWIBGYACI. Now that you think about it, he was pretty hot. And he wasn't that crazy right? Maybe you were quick to judge. Better give him a call, or shoot him a text. See what he's up to. This will clearly turn out well.

3. The guy(s) before the aforementioned guy: This conversation always starts innocent and ends petty. Very petty. Leave the past in the past ladies. Seriously.

4. That guy you were into in High School: This could go one of two ways. You realize that high school was a long fucking time ago, and have no idea why you were ever into said boy. OR you realize he's still just as cute as ever, and reminisce about the good old days.

5. That guy you hooked up with a year ago: While you've got your phone out, better send GYHUWYA a quick text, just to see what's up. He always knows where the good parties are. Bonus points if he just broke up with his gf.

6. The stranger from the bar. This really is the bottom of the barrel. But you just HAVE to make sure he still thinks you're cute. A little harmless flirting can't hurt - chances are he doesn't even know your name. And if you remember correctly he was very good looking, right?

I have been the sender, and recipient of both sorts of messages, and to tell you the truth, I'm pretty sure one party always regrets it in the morning. If not, your luck will surely run out. My official recommendation: If you find yourself tipsy and bored and suspect you might regret hitting the send button, text one of your girlfriends instead, it'll keep your mind and your fingers occupied. xx.

the chase.

You know what I'm talking about. You're so into it. Until they are. Then you're not. Then they aren't. Then you are. Back and forth. It's all about the chase. I honestly don't know why we fucking bother. How do you know when to surrender? When to meet in the middle? I've been in the position of being the pursued, and let me tell you, it's just not that fun. I pulled away, and quick. It was too much. It was too easy. But after a lot of ignoring on my part, he got the message. Then I was interested. Well, I actually got over that pretty quick, when I realized he was sexy as all hell, but also CRAZY. But who am I to judge, so am I. xx

it's my blog and i'll cry when I want to.

I love a good cry. Seriously. It's very freeing. A good book, sad movie, or depressing song and the waterworks start flowing. Sometimes I watch something sad just to make myself cry. I think it runs in the family. My mom is the youngest of four, and she said that sometimes, she would sit in front of the mirror and watch herself cry because no one else felt sorry for her. I guess that's how I feel sometimes. This probably sound extremely depressing, but I really don't mean it that way. I think it's just a good way to release pent up feelings. Which I have a lot of. But it had been a while since I had a good cry, which is worrisome because I've had a very emotional month. Anyhow, last night I started, and finished Sisterhood Everlasting, the most recent Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants book. I'm not about to spoil anything, but I will say this. It was really fucking sad. I bawled for two hours. It felt great though. Then I listened to some sad music and cried more. Then I slept like a baby. So if you're in need of a good cry, I would definitely recommend it. xx

an ode to best friends.

It is one of the blessings of old friends,
that you can afford to be stupid with them.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Here's to my best friends. The one's who are always there. Who endure my crazy rantings, breakdowns, fits and various other hysterics. Who talk me down when I get ridiculous, and talk me up when I get down. Who can gossip until the sun comes up, and still have things to say. To late night dance parties, coffee, thievery, night patrolling and other shenanigans. To countless shopping trips, road trips, and hopefully, eurotrips. Honest to God I would be lost without you. And to my oldest best friend, on her 21st birthday, I hope we have many more adventures to come. You're the ying to my yang, the mac to my cheese, the peanut butter to my jelly. xx




Here's the chart, but seriously, chicks before dicks.

twenty one things that ruin it.

1.     White sunglasses. Why the hell do you think those look good? They make you look like a serious douche bag.

2.     Being close-minded. Your unwillingness to try new things is pathetic.

3.     Hair styling products. If I can tell you’re using them, we’ve got a problem.

4.     Pretending you don’t know who I am. I know you remember me, grow up.

5.     Your enormous truck or shiny sports car. Really, I’m not impressed. In fact, I’m a little embarrassed for you. And I’ve been led to believe that you simply MUST be overcompensating for something. Small penis. There, I said it. Neener, neener, neener, you have a tiny weiner!

6.     Shirts that are too tight. I’m really hoping that you just suck at doing  laundry, and didn’t actually think that was the right size.

7.     Lack of confidence. I’m flirting with you because I’m attracted to you. Go with it.

8.     Soul patches. They make you look like an enormous tool.

9.     Being a dick. This really goes without saying, but for the sake of women everywhere: STOP BEING A DICK. I know you’re a good guy. Jig’s up.

10. Listening to Nickelback. This also goes without saying.

11. Jeans that are below your ass. This look hasn’t been in since 2005. And it still sucked then. Pull your pants the fuck up!

12. Bad spelling. We live in a world of spell check. Use it.

13. Trash talking other girls. What am I supposed to think you say about me when I’m not there?

14. Pretending to be dumb. There’s nothing sexier than an intelligent man, why are you so committed to the dumbass act?

15. Highlights.

16. Sweatpants. I understand that they are comfortable, but please, not in public.

17. Prissy bitch drink orders. You did not just  order a single, grande, decaf, half-sweet, nonfat, extra hot, no foam, skinny vanilla latte. Fuck right off.

18. Trying to dance up on me without asking first. Chances are I’d love to dance, but grinding your dick into my back is just not the way to go about it.

19. Nonchalance, indifference, i.e. not giving a shit.

20. Trying to get my attention with “Hey, Lady”. Follow this one up with “Can I get a smile?” and you’re done for. If I wanted to smile at you, it would have happened. Fuck.

21. Testicles on your truck. Honest to God, I have no clue why anyone would ever purchase these, the second I see them I just want to punch you in the face.

a note on notties.

On occasion, while watching a movie, I’m struck with this thought: “what the fuck was the director thinking, that’s no hottie!” I understand that not every movie hottie is chosen to my exact specifications, but I can appreciate a good looking man when I see one. However, I have never been able to get into any of the following notties, regardless of how good the movie is.

Thomas Jane in The Sweetest Thing

I love this movie, but not this hottie. His hair is awful, I mean what color is that?! Jason Bateman plays his brother, and I'm pretty sure he should have been cast as the leading man, at least he's charming. Admittedly, Thomas did get better looking recently, but that still doesn't make up for this movie.

Aidan Quinn in Practical Magic

He's supposed to have two different colored eyes, which should be dead sexy, but in my opinion this is still a fail. Angelov and Michael are totally way hotter. Who cares if Angelov is abusive, and an attempted murderer? Dude smolders!

Justin Walker in Clueless

What was Cher thinking? Ethan was totally hotter than this sleezy Christian fella. Besides the fact that he was clearly gay, he was a total cheeseball. While I'm still not entirely on board with the whole dating your stepbrother thing, Josh is ten thousand times better than Christian.

Nicolas Cage in City of Angels


Really, Nicolas Cage in anything. Ew. I find it hard to believe that they couldn't find a better looking man to play a fallen angel. I get how Meg fell for the whole angel thing, but I wish they could have found someone better. Dude's creepy. And those long leather jackets? Sooo not hot.

Keanu Reeves in Sweet November


I have never been able to get into Keanu. Something about him just rubs me the wrong way. Ugh. That is all.

Ethan Stiefel in Center Stage


Okay, I get it. You're a real ballerina. But they couldn't have found someone with a bit more sizzle? I mean, Natalie managed to snag herself a sexy ballerino. In the end, you don't get the girl, but the fact that you were in the running seriously concerns me. On a side note: Peter Gallagher-- in my humble opinion you were the real hottie in that movie. ;)

Andrew McCarthy in Pretty in Pink


I really saved the best for last here. This is the nottie that really drew my attention to the whole subject. His upper lip is just bizarre. I understand that the 80's were difficult for everyone, and I can learn to embrace some of the flaws, but this is not one of them. Worst. Movie. Hottie. Ever.




Side Note:

Prrrrrrrrrrrrr.

The nottie should not be confused with the ugly-sexy-hottie. See Vincent Cassel. xx

like a fine wine.

the ultimate

Lately I've been finding myself quite attracted to *ahem* older men. I'm not talking thirty here, I'm talking like 50+. Now this may be partially due to the fact that lots of the regulars at work are older gentlemen. And they wear suits, and have a certain air about them. Actually the other night, I had this dream where I was at the Colonial, and one of the silver fox regulars was there and we danced. At first I was hesitant, because let's face it, he was old enough to be my father(potentially grandfather), but it really didn't take much convincing. What a glorious dream. It's okay to have a thing for them, as long as I don't start chasing after them...isn't it? Obviously women have a long history being attracted to older men, but I have only recently come to understand the beauty of salt and pepper hair. There's just something so sexy about a worldly sophisticated gentleman. Hmm... I think I may have to pop Runaway Bride into the DVD player. xx

my feathers' are royally ruffled.

my future in-laws. nbd.

This shit is rockin' my world. I was moderately excited to watch the whole thing, but I really didn't expect to be this into it. I watched a couple documentaries in preparation earlier in the week, but I didn't go nuts. Now I'm fucking glued to the couch, flipping between channels, trying to catch everything. 

Thoughts: 

1. These hats are sooooooooooooooooo unreal. I want. Seriously. But I'm pretty sure half these women can't see a fucking thing. But they look fabulous.
2. Oh hi, Posh and Becks!
3. OHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYYY GAAAAAAAWWWWDDDDDDDD how fucking good do the princes look? Unreal. My jaw LITERALLY dropped. Wow. That is all.
4. Carol Middleton=MILF
5. I don't know who those posh bitches are, but those hats are amazing!
6. Aww, the Queen. So cute. 
7. I don't really understand why the bridal party is so young...
8. OH MY OH MY OH MY KATE! That dress is stunning!!!!!! LACE <3 <3 <3 I am so glad I stayed up for this. I'm also glad you didn't go strapless.
9. I know I'm being ridiculous, but if you are watching, you understand.
10. Awwwww cutie baby bridesmaids. Also, hot sis, but why is she wearing white?
11. Again, Kate is just stunning. I'm in awe.
12. HOLY SHIT I'm freaking out! Butterflies. I'm gonna vom.
13. I've already started with the tears. Fantastic.
14. I said that was all, I lied. SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON.
15. No words.
16. Ok, I obviously lied. Lots of words. Did you see him mouth you look beautiful? How has she not fainted yet? Cue the waterworks.
17. How rad is it to have Posh, Becks, Elton and the Queen singing for you?
18. That choir was adorable. I must have one for my wedding.
19. Did you see the sleeping nun? WTF?
20. I don't know how they all managed to keep it together.
21. Standing at the doors of the Cathedral, they looked just like Cinderella and Prince Charming.
22. Oh wow. Just lovely. So beautiful.
23. Bedtime.

i promise to...?

puke

Promise rings. Everytime I see one I want to barf. IF YOU HAVE ONE, PLEASE DON’T HATE ME. I just don’t understand them. First of all, what is it that you are promising exactly? To maybe consider thinking about possibly getting married? To be together forever—until you aren’t? Why not just move right to the engagement ring? I researched the history of promise rings (on Wikipedia, don’t hate, that shit’s legit) and all I concluded was back in the day couples that were too broke to get married got promise rings. So unless your family can’t afford to pay your dowry (which I doubt, seeing as it isn’t 1864), I see no good reason for them. Isn’t it a given that you will be monogamous in your relationship, do you really need a ring to remind you not to go home with that rando? Honestly, I’m less opposed to purity rings. At least those are cut and dry.  No sex until you’re married. Engagement rings- you’re gonna get married. Wedding rings- you’re married.  Promise rings…? I mean really. xx

a fling. a thing. not a ring.

I think. I think and I think and I think. I make lists. Pro-con, best of, worst of. Charts. Tables. Graphs. Tools to help me analyze. Sort out my thoughts. It helps and it doesn’t help. Sort of like this blog.  I can’t shut my brain off. I just went for a drive, which usually helps. But it didn’t. I don’t know if it’s just me, or if all twenty-something girls are like this? I’ll admit to being boy crazy, but is it boy crazy…or just plain crazy? Everyone I know is in a relationship. And I happen to love my best friend’s boyfriends, which just makes it harder to secretly hate them. I’ve never been in a relationship. Not even close. There was this one-week dalliance once… but that’s a whole other story. I can't even say I suck at dating, I've never really tried it.  Maybe I should just take the advice from this vintage dating guide, find myself a real good man. 

 I’m a self-admitted serial crusher; I doubt I’ve gone a month in the past 8 years without a slight infatuation with someone. And let me tell you, I’ve had a crush on every kind of boy they make. Jocks, musicians, foreign exchange students, teachers, older, younger, French, English, tall, short. I just can't find one that fits. I think I’m getting better at accepting people for who they are, and not what I want them to be, but there’s still a lot of disappointment. And I sure as hell won't be lowering my standards, I'm not desperate, just a little frustrated.  Everyone says it’ll happen when it happens (fuck you, Lee and Anne Marie)…. but it hasn’t happened. I don’t need Mr. Right. Just Mr. Right Now. A fling. A thing. Not a ring. I guess I always just thought I’d be the girl who dated a lot before getting serious.  There’s obviously still time for that, but being an optimist gets tiring. What if I end up being the crazy old cat lady? Someone’s gotta do it. Who says it won’t be me? I wish I could just stop thinking about it. But I have no control. Someone please tell me i'm not the only one. xx

P.S. Since you've been so good about enduring my ranting, here is a gratuitous hottie. Happy studying.

I watched It's Complicated with my mom last night and
was reminded of my love for Hunter Parrish. Yum.

i'm not jealous.

You're right, I did just want a reason to post another 

picture of him... Like I needed one...Is that a guitar? Fuck.

I hate those people who have everything going for them. The ones who were just born perfect. You know those people, they’re gorgeous, brilliant, and way too fucking talented. If you don’t know one, you will someday. And you first reaction will be Hey! Fuck you! But on top of everything they’re actually the nicest person ever, and all you can think is Hey! I want to BE you! I mean you’ve got to be kidding me, you look like you just stepped out of the pages of GQ, you’re in law AND you play guitar? What’s next, you’re mad hung? Who am I kidding, of course you are.  You look like Alessandra Ambrosio, you were just accepted into medicine AND you have awesome taste in music? Go die! Share some of that shit with the rest of the world! Now I know you’re thinking everyone has something going for them, right? True-- but some people just got a little more than their share! Ryan Gosling, I’m looking at you here. I mean really, Mickey Mouse Club, good looks, carpentry, piano playing, singing AND being an award winning actor? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. xx

this post is under the influence.

Fuck boys, and their good looks, and their witticisms and their nice arms. Fuck their smiles, fuck their beards, fuck it all. And fuck MacDonalds. Why are you my only refuge. When I am thirty I will blame you for my thighs. Right now the only thing I can blame you for is the extra McFlurry spilled on my floor. Shit mothafucka. xx

please, make it stop.

Hey you. Yes, you! Could you please remove your tongue from your boyfriend’s mouth, and his hand from your ass? I am not sure if you are aware, but you are currently in a public place. And to make matters worse, I am being forced to stare at you until you realize that I am waiting for you to fucking order. No, it is not okay to mack on your significant other in grade ten math, sociology, psychology, or even human sexuality for that matter. I didn't sign up for that shit. I am trying not to vomit as I stand here watching you suck face with that tall ginge*— an obscenity I am forced to bear witness to every MWF.  I am not opposed to public display of affection; in fact I look forward to them someday.  But I will be a respectful human being, and keep such acts from inappropriate places such as lecture halls, food lines, and buses. I mean really?! What’s sexy about the bus?! Nothing. That old man who’s enjoying the show a little too much? Those twelve-year-old boys imitating you?! WHAT?! Why not some nice, pg-13, hand holding? I’m not bitter (only a little), I just feel that I should be able to go about my day (staring at people) without being forced to watch something that seems like it could turn into an amateur porno any minute. Speaking of amateur pornos…to all the people I suspect of having sex on the d-floor, NOT COOL!!! NOT COOL!! OH MY GAWWDDD! You aren’t really doing what I think you’re doing? I feel like I may get pregnant from being in the same room.  It’s nice that you found someone who is attracted to you (I didn't think it was possible), but let’s all keep our clothes on. xx

* more on gingers later.