tall extra hot americano.

Chances are, I've already forced you to listen to my twenty minute rant about coffee orders, what makes them sexy, what makes them repulsive, etc. BUT, if you have yet to hear this rant then you are in luck! I've been a barista for the past 4 years, and in this time I've formed some very strong opinions about what makes a drink order sexy. In fact, a good coffee order can take you from a 7 to a 9 faster than you can say doppio affogato espresso macchiato (...kidding). I know what you're thinking. And you're right, I really don't have anything better to do right now.

 So, starting with the least sexy, working our way up we have...

10. Any crème based Frappucino. Never order these. Please. It's pretty much just milk blended with sugar. Gross. It also makes me suspect you're actually thirteen.

9. Anything that takes you more than five seconds to say. I am dead serious about this. A single, grande, decaf, half sweet, non fat, extra hot, no foam, caramel macchiato makes me want to reach across the bar and punch the person in the face. Don't do it.*

8. Anything that starts with skinny. No skinny vanilla lattes, no skinny mochas, also no light caramel Frappucinos. Come on. Order a real drink. Go hard or go home. It's an immediate turn off.

7. Coffee Frappucinos. Not necessarily unsexy, but definitely not a panty-dropper. I feel like saying Frappucino out loud immediately decreases your cool factor. (I understand this make me perpetually uncool. I'm prepared to accept that.)

6. Latte. Meh. The more shit you add to it, the less sexy it gets. Keep it simple.

5. Espresso. Hardcore. Not for me, but I can see the appeal.

4. Starbucks Double Shot. Not on the menu, but I feel it's the star of the cold beverages. Strong and dark. Not too fussy.

3. Cappucino. Wet or dry. It's sophisticated, and classic. The George Clooney of coffee.

2. Coffee. Hot or iced. Simple, wholesome, comforting. Ordering coffee gets you two thumbs up in my books.

1. Americano. Sexiest drink order EVER. Simplistic perfection. It shows that you know enough about coffee to go with an espresso based beverage, but at the same time you're low maintenance. Ten out of ten.

So there you have it. The ultimate guide to impressing a barista. And by barista, I obviously mean me. Impressing me. xx

*I realize this is a wee bit hypocritical, but to be fair, I make my own coffee.

all you ever wanted.

Confession. I have an addiction. A serious one. Rom-coms. There, I said it. There's no shame...maybe a little. It's not my fault-- blame my mother. She's the one who let me watch Steel Magnolias at the age of nine. I was raised on Julia Roberts movies. I worshipped her. Don't even get me started on Disney Princesses, that's a whole other post. Now you might be thinking: "What's the problem? I like rom-coms too". Well my friend, I have been thinking about it for awhile now, and there has been some serious revelations. Recently, the surge in the availability of porn has been linked to unreal expectations about sexual relationships. Porn is becoming more extreme in its portrayal of sex, and how people are supposed to have it. It seems to me that romantic comedies are like porn for (some) women.  Romantic comedies are extreme in their portrayal of love, and how its supposed to happen. We grow up believing in order to find true love there will be hoops, hurdles, car chases, and at least one makeover. From personal experience, if a man doesn't chase my taxi down to get my phone number, or send a dozen red roses to my workplace, I start to think he isn't interested. In fact I've been insulted when a guy gave me his number, instead of asking for mine. At some point, it would appear, I was brainwashed into thinking that all men share the chivalrous instincts of my favourite silver screen heros. You might be wondering how that's working out. It's not. I'll never find anyone if I expect some monumental declaration of love in the airport every time I return from a trip abroad. We don't think it's fair for men to compare us to the women in porn, so why do we compare them to the men in these movies? It might be a little late for a New Years Resolution, but I'm going to make a conscious effort to be realistic in my dealings with the other sex this year. I think the results will probably be better than holding out for Richard Gere in a white limo, blasting opera while holding roses out the sunroof. At the very least I won't be a prostitute. xx.

thought of the day.

I want to kiss boys all the time. It's just the loveliest way to pass the time. xx

he's totally into it.

i want to see you brave and manly.

Check out the rest of these pictures here, I promise it's well worth your time.

an open letter to the mystery hottie at work.

warning: stunt hottie was used

Hi,

Let's get serious here. You're a babe. Your winsome smile made me melt. Swoon, even. I would just like to say THANK YOU, for making my day at least twenty times better. You may be one of the hottest guys I have ever seen, my clothes were nearly off by the time your coffee was ready. A grande Americano no room-- sexiest drink order ever, and let me tell you, coffee orders play a pivotal role in my judgement of your sexiness. You look like a movie star, who somehow stumbled into the wrong city. You're so hot that you must certainly be affected by hot guy syndrome, but in my dreams you're oblivious to your good looks, and you're just a humble gentleman looking for the love of his life. Or at least the lust of his life. I'll give you a hint. IT'S ME. The time we shared was brief (I'd like to see you in yours), but I'm hoping my radiant beauty will draw you back. I'd like to thank Howard for forcing us to ask every customer their name, it's creepy-- yet informative. But my internet creeping skills have failed me, alas you retain your mysterious allure. For now. xx

Here's a present!

dream as if you'll live forever.

live as if you'll die today.

love actually is all around.

Kill, Fuck, Marry time! Here's some pictures to aid in your decision making. But really, if you haven't seen Love Actually it's time to change that.

Hugh Grant

Liam Neeson

Colin Firth

it's getting hot in here.

So take off all your clothes. No seriously. Take them off.

http://videos.nymag.com/video/Art-Shoots-Ryan-Gosling;Viral-2#c=QV04Y02NJFBL6JDM&t=Art%20Shoots:%20Ryan%20Gosling

re: stacks

I think I've been spending too much time in the library. Every time I go up into the North Wing, all I can think about is making out in the stacks. It makes it very difficult to focus on studying. Something about the library just really turns me on. The library and fall. Looking out the library window into the Bowl, which is all autumn-y... well it's just sexy as fuck. Reading is just really doing it for me right now. Whenever I see a boy with a book I can't help but swoon a little.

Don't you want to get to know him? Or take his clothes off?

Great Advice

Major Book Boner

Potential Cause of the Problem

Who's with me? What's your fantasy hook-up spot? Let me know in the comments. Seriously. Do it. xx

I couldn't find the actual song, this will have to do.

slow show.

It got too big! I had to size down the names! Soon I'll need to figure out a different system, or go to two charts. Something. Anyhow. New entry. Should be interesting. xx

swoon.

how do i love thee? let me count the ways.

fifteen reasons to makeout with someone from glamour.com

1. Because he or she is really hot, and you can forsee telling your friends "Oh, we made out once." with extreme pride.

2. Because the conversation isn't actually that interesting. (Or because it's so interesting that you could just kiss them.)

3. Because they smell really, really good.

4. Because if you wanna know how he loves you so? It's in his kiss.

5. Because you actually believe in your friend's ability to not be weird about it the next day.

More after the jump.

magically delicious.

a missed connection.

You: Tall, clever, handsome (but you don't know it, or maybe you do...a little), smart, spontaneous, passionate, intriguing. You like classic rock, the library, camping, ethnic food, dancing, and coffee.

Me: Wild, charming, independent, funny (at least I like to think so),  romantic, opinionated. I like thunderstorms, airports, fishing off the dock, dancing and coffee.

I've been trying to find you for awhile, if you read this, please contact me. xx

yes please.

a triumphant return. sorta...

I don't really know where I've been. I mean, I know where I've been, but I guess I don't really know what I've been doing. I took a break from thinking, I think. Tried to slow down on the crazy. Keep calm, and carry on, if you know what I mean. Maybe it's not so much that I stopped thinking, and more that I started accepting. I've had a couple of conversations recently that sorta made me face some less than ideal truths. My mom said I'm too strong, I scare all the boys away. But I don't think that's the problem. Because the right one for me will like that I'm strong. And I'm glad that I'm strong. It takes a lot to break me, and even then, I'm quite resilient. I think one of the most important things I have realized these past couple years, is that if a guy is interested in you, he'll make it happen. I don't sit around waiting anymore. If he wants me, he wants me. That said, I still expect some common courtesy from the guys I'm involved with. I'm not needy, I'm not clingy. I rarely text, or call, or message. So if I made the effort to contact you, it would be nice if you actually bothered to give me some sort of response. And not a week, month, or year later. I hardly think that's too much too expect. Fuck. I kinda feel like Buffy right now, in the middle of Season Two, when Angel goes all demon on her. Except I'm not a badass slayer, and these guys don't have the lack of a soul to blame.

I wish things would just play out how they do in my mind. xx

howlin' for you.

So the Black Keys concert was last night. It was pretty much unreal. To say I was excited would be an understatement, and they totally surpassed my expectations. My favourite part was the enormous disco ball that came up when they played Everlasting Light. It was almost too much for me to take. Swooooooon. xx

Here's an awesome clip from their show the night before, in Edmonton.

lookie lookie what we've got here.

Considering I post my crushes on the internet weekly, I obviously considered the consequences of one of them discovering their presence on my blog. I decided I didn't care. If I like them more than they think I do, then they should be flattered. And for others I hoped it would make them realize I'm not nearly as into them as they think. But first they'd have to figure out which specimen they are. Good luck. xx

drowning in the maze of a summer.

I went to a friend's cabin this weekend. Good people + good music = a good time. I always forget how much I love the lake, until I'm there, toes in the icy water. Honestly, I could sit on the end of a dock for hours, especially in the dark. Just staring into the abyss. It's a good place for thinking on thoughts. Everything seems simpler. Or maybe it just makes me yearn for simplicity. When I was younger I used to have a crush on a boy at the lake. Every year, as we drove up the road, I was dying to see if their cabin was open. I don't remember why I liked him anymore, but I remember the feeling. It's a good feeling. Like listening to country music, laying in the sand, and fishing off the end of the dock. xx

photo from: http://hopsallymann.wordpress.com/