wake up alone.

I was watching 1 girl 5 gays earlier this evening, and one of the questions was: "I refuse to do _________ alone." One guy answered fold laundry, another answered go to a restaurant. I don't really know what my answer would be. I've always wanted to be independent enough to go to dinner alone. But is that sort of sad, or is it completely wonderful. To be comfortable sitting there alone? It requires such personal contentedness, to just sit there with no one to distract you from yourself. Earlier this summer I went to a movie by myself. Midnight in Paris. It ended up being really fitting actually, as it's about a hopeless romantic, wandering the streets alone, lost in his own mind. It was a night or two after I had gone out and made some really bad choices--the kind of choices that stemmed from feeling alone. In a way I think going to the movie alone was a way of proving I could be okay by myself. I've been home alone for three days now, something I was really looking forward to. Peace, quiet, and tidiness. But the stillness surprised me. I've never had this much time alone with myself. At home, at work, at school, I am constantly surrounded. But just as I've discovered that it is often easier to feel lonely in a crowd, I'm starting to realize there's a difference between being alone, and feeling alone. Having alone time with my thoughts is proving to be quite comforting. I think I'll use the rest of my time in solitary confinement to dance in my underwear, explore a nudist lifestyle, catch up on profane and wildly inappropriate TV series, self-reflect, and perhaps I'll see a movie or two. I don't think I'm ready for dinner alone, but I can certainly work up to it. xx

dream as if you'll live forever.

live as if you'll die today.

love actually is all around.

Kill, Fuck, Marry time! Here's some pictures to aid in your decision making. But really, if you haven't seen Love Actually it's time to change that.

Hugh Grant

Liam Neeson

Colin Firth

winter song.

'tis the season.

Barf. I'd settle for a cute one night stand.

I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm not sure why, but I'm doing it. You may have noticed that I haven't posted anything since October. I've started a lot of posts, but I can't seem to finish them. They were all full of bad vibes. I really don't want to spread bad vibes. But I figured a ridiculous post about Ryan Gosling could be followed by a more serious post. And to hell with the bad vibes, it's my blog and I can be moody if I want to.

 I always feel lost this time of year. I know I can't be the only one, I'm sure that I've read rates of depression go up during the holiday season. It could be the arrival of the snow. Or midterms. Or holiday stress. Most likely it's a combination of all of the above.   I have difficulty getting out of bed, facing the
-30 degree weather, and pulling on snow boots(yuck). I hate having 10 straights weeks of midterms and projects, with the only reward being finals. I don't even really like Christmas. I hate the mall, the commercialism, the excessive gifting. I hate trying to convey excitement and happiness on my chronic bitch face. And it's not because I'm not genuinely thrilled, but because I have trouble expressing it.

Then there's the general life failures when reuniting with people you haven't seen in a year. Aunts, cousins, high school classmates home for the break. It always goes like this:

Them: "So, what's new, how have you been?"
Me: "Uhhh, nothing really..."
Them: "What are you studying?"
Me: "Psychology"
Them: "So you graduate this year?"
Me: "Nope."
Them: "Next year?"
Me: "Probably not."
Them: "Well then. Got a boyfriend?"
Me: "Nope."
Them: "Oh, well I'm sure they're out there."
Me: "Thanks..."

If Christmas wasn't enough, then we have to make it through New Years. Otherwise known as the most hyped holiday to have ever existed. Thinking about it makes me nauseous. I have never had a good New Years, if you have, then congratulations -- I'm beginning to think they're rare. Sure, Harry and Sally had a great New Years, but think about how many terrible ones they had before they finally smartened up. It's not that I don't enjoy the night by myself, because I really do. Last year I had an absolute ball. I just despise the pressure to be with someone. Like you've accomplished nothing all year if you happen to be alone. Maybe what I hate most of all is that I let myself get caught up in it. I'm still looking for someone to pull under the mistletoe.

Luckily I'm now old enough to have rum in my eggnog, which is one of the season's few redeeming qualities. Well that, peppermint white mochas, tobogganing, and Love Actually. Hopefully now that I've ditched the bad vibes I can focus on the good ones. xx

twenty one reasons Ryan Gosling is the sexiest man alive.

1. He makes funny faces at the paparazzi.

link

                                                    2. He has a Shel Silverstein tattoo.

3. He does ballet.


“I just feel like I wouldn’t know how to think any other way. My sister was my best friend and my hero growing up. Because I was home-schooled I didn’t have a lot of friends and I did ballet, which was always just girls. All of that had an effect on my brain.” - Ryan Gosling

4. He made the kitchen table in the Notebook himself.

Oh yeah.

5. He plays guitar.

6. He gives good presents.

7. He corrupted Britney Spears.

On possibly corrupting Britney Spears' sexuality as a kid: "They would come and ask me questions about sex, and I just told them what I heard - like positions and stuff. All the other mothers went to Disney and told them I was corrupting their kids. I feel somewhat responsible for how sexual [Britney Spears] is right now. When I see her with a snake around her neck, I think, did I do that?" - Ryan Gosling

8. He's a good samaritan.

9. He's a philanthropist. And has sweet dance moves.

Skip to 2:10 for the good part. Also, here's the website.

10. He loves his momma.

11. The Notebook.

12. Those baby blues.

13a. He knows how to dress well.

13b. Really well.

14. He loves his pup.

15a. He looks good with glasses.

15b. He looks good without glasses.

16. He tattooed himself.

17. He looks good with a beard.

18. He was in the Mickey Mouse Club.

19. He has an awesome band.

20. He looks photoshopped.

21. He's Canadian

Also, he appears to share my pyromaniac tendencies.

Seriously. Ryan Gosling is the reason I'm single. xx

this may or may not be true.

it's getting hot in here.

So take off all your clothes. No seriously. Take them off.

http://videos.nymag.com/video/Art-Shoots-Ryan-Gosling;Viral-2#c=QV04Y02NJFBL6JDM&t=Art%20Shoots:%20Ryan%20Gosling

diversion tactics.

I'm hoping if I keep posting pictures of attractive men, no one will notice that I haven't posted in forever...

what's in my bag.

inspired by: http://fuckyeahwhatsinyourbag.tumblr.com/

utterly insane.

to shave or not to shave.

no way josé

I'm never going to shave my legs again. Every time I do, things don't go my way.  Picture this. I'm going out for the night, I think the evening might carry the potential for a new or pre-existening someone. So I'm like "meh, why not, I'll shave my legs." Get all pretty. Do my makeup real nice. Go out, and there are no hotties to be found. I meet no one. I see no one. And then I'm always pissed that went to all the trouble of shaving, without being rewarded for my effort. BUT SOMEHOW, every time I think "it'll be a slow night, I don't need to shave or wax or pluck", all the hotties magically turn up! I'm running into everyone I've ever met, and every babe in the 306. I'm starting to think that shaving my legs might be bad luck. I might have to start an experiment, run the numbers, find some statistics. Until then I guess I'll just continue to use this handy dandy tool. xx

do as i say, not as i do.

anti-pioneer

anti-pioneer by nmason521 featuring super skinny jeans

re: stacks

I think I've been spending too much time in the library. Every time I go up into the North Wing, all I can think about is making out in the stacks. It makes it very difficult to focus on studying. Something about the library just really turns me on. The library and fall. Looking out the library window into the Bowl, which is all autumn-y... well it's just sexy as fuck. Reading is just really doing it for me right now. Whenever I see a boy with a book I can't help but swoon a little.

Don't you want to get to know him? Or take his clothes off?

Great Advice

Major Book Boner

Potential Cause of the Problem

Who's with me? What's your fantasy hook-up spot? Let me know in the comments. Seriously. Do it. xx

I couldn't find the actual song, this will have to do.

the only cure to boys.

I was looking back at some of my old posts, and lemme tell ya, you really learn a lot about yourself by keeping track of every insane thought you ever have. It's sort of theraputic. It's really reassuring to look back and realize that something that seemed like a really big deal hardly matters anymore. And if there's one thing I've learned it's that the only cure to boys is more boys. A new fling just puts a spring in your step, making it way easier to forgot all that old shit from the last lame boy. So get out there. Wink at cute boys, flirt. You don't have to commit, but you never know, you might find one who can keep your attention. xx

Side note: Yes, I admit, I watch PLL on occasion, but it's only because Mr. Fitz is a fox. I acknowledge that it is quite possibly the worst show ever made.

things i like from thought catalog

1. Things To Remember When You’re Single
2. Stop Texting Me And Get In My Bed!
3. The Three Times You Ran Into Ryan Gosling
4. Seeing People Naked
5. Death of the Crazy Girl

you, sir, are the most phantom-like of all.

If you haven't seen the latest Jane Eyre adaptation, I highly recommend it. It's the perfect movie for a dreary day like today.

you smell like someone i used to know.

Everyday I have to sit through a 50 minute class, beside a boy who smells like a boy that I once kissed. The boy I once kissed was no one special. It was only one time. But this boy is constantly resurrecting that night. Speak of the devil. He just walked in right now. Sat down. Right beside me. Don't worry, I dimmed the screen way down, and turned it. I'm so covert. But really. It drives me nuts. It's the weirdest feeling. Sort of like deja vu. It makes your mind start racing. And maybe your heart a little bit too. Most of all it makes it really hard to concentrate. I didn't sign up for that shit! I signed up for... Philosophy of Sex...  Maybe the whole situation is bad news. It's not just smells though. I've been having odd instances of taste deja vu. My first good kiss tasted like beer, and somehow I've come to associate the two with one another. That can't be good. And the other day, I had a lemon square that tasted like someone. But, I'm not sure who. I guess it's a gustatory mystery for the time being. xx

jack rabbit. jump jump.

You really, really, really need to watch this. Ahahahahaha.

slow show.

It got too big! I had to size down the names! Soon I'll need to figure out a different system, or go to two charts. Something. Anyhow. New entry. Should be interesting. xx

spread the word.

an ode to chest hair.

Men: Keep it. Leave it. Don't wax it. Don't shave it. No depilatories. Ok, I know you don't even know what those are. BUT SERIOUSLY. Your man fur is fantastic. It is nice to stroke. You should embrace it. It is the essence of man. Okay, okay, I know I'm getting carried away, but I am concerned about the current state of affairs surrounding mens grooming. It has gone too far. Fight back I say! Retaliate!. Bear your manly chest hair proudly, like these hunks I have included gratuitously. 

Penn is really rocking great casual chest hair here. Shame they make him shave it all off, just because television networks insist on having men play boys.

Jeremy on the other hand is all man. He knows his secret weapon is only two popped buttons away. I didn't even think he was hot until I found this. Now I have no choice.

See how soulful Zach looks? Ladies, don't you just want to lay in bed and stroke his chest, while he reads you Whitman or something?

See boys, chest hair gets you two hot bitches with tits poppin'! Does it get better than that?

Ladies: Agree or disagree? Are you with me, or are you with me? xx

swoon.

fifty things every british girl should have.

This is an old post I stole from the Sunday Times. I re-examine it every once and awhile when I'm looking for wardrobe inspiration.

1 GOLD HOOP EARRINGS For days when you wanna look J.Lo glam. These shouldn’t be so big as to look like you haven’t got over the gypsy trend, nor so small as to make you look like a three-year-old on a council estate.

2 A BERET For bad-hair days. It will take you straight to Kim Basinger in Batman. Just don’t obsess about the angle: they should be worn with nonchalance.

3 A VINTAGE OSSIE CLARK DRESS Separates the women from the girls. Fabulously flattering at any age, from 18 to 80.

4 EXPENSIVE BLACK LACE LINGERIE At least one set. For obvious reasons.

5 A PAIR OF THERMAL SHORTS For when you want to wear a skirt without tights, but it’s a bit parky outside.

6 SILK STOCKINGS A rite of passage for every woman — and, subsequently, for her man. In slightly unusual shades — such as petrol or burgundy — they make an outfit. And in this country they can be worn for three-quarters of the year.

7 A DECENT TRENCH COAT Some people are scared of trenches because they look fussy — they’re not. Everyone from Burberry to M&S does them, so there’s no excuse.

8 A LEATHER JACKET It should be cropped and fitted nicely around your waist. Takes you from a gig to the supermarket via your mum’s and a first date. Enough said.

9 A GOOD WALLET Because if a bag matters, so does your purse — and people see it all the time. Jimmy Choo’s, we feel, are particularly well thought-out.

10 A PAIR OF FALSIES (eyelashes, that is). Instant divadom.


Check out the rest after the jump!

how do i love thee? let me count the ways.

when is it over?

How do you know when it's over? When it's gone? These past few months I have seen a lot of ghosts, and I've been trying to figure out the answer for myself. Once it starts, is it ever gone? Forever? Or is it always a thing, or a thing that used to be a thing? I know you can move on, and get over it, but can you simply get rid of it? Or is everything a forever thing? xx

back to school fashion no-nos.

Today marks the end of the first week back to school. I meant to post this earlier, but got caught up in my studies (read: beer gardens). Oh well, better late than never. Everyday I see some serious fashion blunders and I mostly just feel bad for the victims. But I'm here to save the day. Here are some back to school fashions that are simply not acceptable.

1. High Heels and Lulus - I don't care how great your ass look, it's just ridiculous. Lulus are for exercise or lounging. If you are wearing heels you are clearly doing neither. Put some fucking pants on.
2. Free Huskie T-shirts - I know that they give them away at orientation, and it's great that you want to represent. Go school spirit. But seriously, you look like a major noob! (yes I said that). Save those shirts for game day. When I see them in the hallway it just makes me want to shove you. And don't use the "I have no clean clothes excuse", it's the first week of school, I'm sure you could have scrounged something else up.
3. Purse and Backpack  - I get it, Uni students have a lot of shit to carry around. I feel your pain. But you DO NOT need a backpack AND a purse! Pick one. For the love of god, pick ONE!
4. Sweatsuit outfits - We're all busy, studying, working, whatever. But are you seriously telling me you didn't have time to put real pants on? Jeans are just as easy and make you look less like a 40 year old man who has given up on life.
5. Sloppy bun, but a full face of makeup - I don't understand. You had time to put on 15 layers of foundation, but not to make a decent ponytail? Get your priorities straight!

I realize I might sound pretty harsh, but I'm just trying to save you! xx