'tis the season.

Barf. I'd settle for a cute one night stand.

I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm not sure why, but I'm doing it. You may have noticed that I haven't posted anything since October. I've started a lot of posts, but I can't seem to finish them. They were all full of bad vibes. I really don't want to spread bad vibes. But I figured a ridiculous post about Ryan Gosling could be followed by a more serious post. And to hell with the bad vibes, it's my blog and I can be moody if I want to.

 I always feel lost this time of year. I know I can't be the only one, I'm sure that I've read rates of depression go up during the holiday season. It could be the arrival of the snow. Or midterms. Or holiday stress. Most likely it's a combination of all of the above.   I have difficulty getting out of bed, facing the
-30 degree weather, and pulling on snow boots(yuck). I hate having 10 straights weeks of midterms and projects, with the only reward being finals. I don't even really like Christmas. I hate the mall, the commercialism, the excessive gifting. I hate trying to convey excitement and happiness on my chronic bitch face. And it's not because I'm not genuinely thrilled, but because I have trouble expressing it.

Then there's the general life failures when reuniting with people you haven't seen in a year. Aunts, cousins, high school classmates home for the break. It always goes like this:

Them: "So, what's new, how have you been?"
Me: "Uhhh, nothing really..."
Them: "What are you studying?"
Me: "Psychology"
Them: "So you graduate this year?"
Me: "Nope."
Them: "Next year?"
Me: "Probably not."
Them: "Well then. Got a boyfriend?"
Me: "Nope."
Them: "Oh, well I'm sure they're out there."
Me: "Thanks..."

If Christmas wasn't enough, then we have to make it through New Years. Otherwise known as the most hyped holiday to have ever existed. Thinking about it makes me nauseous. I have never had a good New Years, if you have, then congratulations -- I'm beginning to think they're rare. Sure, Harry and Sally had a great New Years, but think about how many terrible ones they had before they finally smartened up. It's not that I don't enjoy the night by myself, because I really do. Last year I had an absolute ball. I just despise the pressure to be with someone. Like you've accomplished nothing all year if you happen to be alone. Maybe what I hate most of all is that I let myself get caught up in it. I'm still looking for someone to pull under the mistletoe.

Luckily I'm now old enough to have rum in my eggnog, which is one of the season's few redeeming qualities. Well that, peppermint white mochas, tobogganing, and Love Actually. Hopefully now that I've ditched the bad vibes I can focus on the good ones. xx