I was watching 1 girl 5 gays earlier this evening, and one of the questions was: "I refuse to do _________ alone." One guy answered fold laundry, another answered go to a restaurant. I don't really know what my answer would be. I've always
wanted to be independent enough to go to dinner alone. But is that sort of sad, or is it completely wonderful. To be comfortable sitting there alone? It requires such personal contentedness, to just sit there with no one to distract you from yourself. Earlier this summer I went to a movie by myself. Midnight in Paris. It ended up being really fitting actually, as it's about a hopeless romantic, wandering the streets alone, lost in his own mind. It was a night or two after I had gone out and made some really bad choices--the kind of choices that stemmed from feeling alone. In a way I think going to the movie alone was a way of proving I could be okay by myself. I've been home alone for three days now, something I was really looking forward to. Peace, quiet, and tidiness. But the stillness surprised me. I've never had this much time alone with myself. At home, at work, at school, I am constantly surrounded. But just as I've discovered that it is often easier to feel lonely in a crowd, I'm starting to realize there's a difference between being alone, and feeling alone. Having alone time with my thoughts is proving to be quite comforting. I think I'll use the rest of my time in solitary confinement to dance in my underwear, explore a nudist lifestyle, catch up on profane and wildly inappropriate TV series, self-reflect, and perhaps I'll see a movie or two. I don't think I'm ready for dinner alone, but I can certainly work up to it. xx
